I have started living with my husband’s family, and it has been an eye-opening experience! Here are 15 lessons I learnt living with my in-laws!
I sincerely believe, ghar ek mandir. It requires positive vibes to function properly. You don’t need to cram the house with material things and expect smoothness. Similarly, the members should be well aware of their energies, radiating into the house.
One ugly mindset is enough to annihilate the natural rhythm. And, in our society, the throng of fools outweighs the rational and the sensible.
15 lessons I learnt living with in-laws!
Some of them are as follows:
- A 13-year-old girl marrying a 21-year-old man makes no sense. It is forced upon them by the elders, who think marriage is the only way to unburden themselves and find happiness for their children.
- Do not push away or stifle your desires and wishes for the sake of duties and responsibilities. This is where self-love and self-care come up. You overburden your sons with your unfulfilled desires later in life.
- Four or five daughters don’t mean a burden. Stress not on their marriages, and thus lose living. You are passing on generational trauma and also ruining their lives. Instead, spend the amount of money (otherwise saved for dowry) on their education. They can fend for themselves.
- After marrying off your daughters, don’t cut off ties with them. That is why selling them off does more harm to you than to them! Moreover, their sighs, tears and curses, bear their fruits.
- Son is not the bangshoprodip. Don’t tie the weight of yourselves on his feet, and expect him to fly. In the process, you raise yet another toxic individual.
- Patriarchy is in the blood of both men and women. Meanwhile, the men choose to be nagging and assume the role of providers, the women can go to every length to manipulate the men, especially their sons. It is, indeed, a hard nut to crack.
- Stop from forcing your son to marry. He may not be ready or even dislike the woman you are selecting for him. Marriage is never the ultimate solution to your and your son’s problems.
- Post-marriage, the new woman isn’t your dashi [slave]. Nowadays, thanks to social media, she is more informed and aware of the (deliberate) harassment and complexities in the household than in previous times. She can, anytime, change the jargon!
- You are free to live with your son and his family. However, if you don’t contribute, and refrain from whining, then don’t expect to receive selfless and dedicated 24*7 service.
- You cannot escape, merely harping on senility. With your crocodile tears and emotional dialogues, you can fool your son but not your daughter-in-law. At least, the divine will punish you brutally. That’s what I have firm faith in.
- In a bid to be care-receivers, you cannot force your histrionics on your son’s family. You have to maintain a safe and healthy distance unless you behave humanely. You even forget that your antics are putting stress on the children of the house.
- When you couldn’t live your life, you have no authority to spoil the life of others. Why will they sacrifice and suffer to appease you? You are no Gods.
- Work is worship. No matter the age, you should be productively involved in chores. This keeps your mind engaged, and you devise less heinous plans to destroy the peace of the house.
- Read and travel as long as you can. They keep your mind and heart in good shape. Instead of watching those awful daily soaps, immerse yourself in books. Make a separate fund for travelling, sometimes. It opens your pores!
- Finally, financial independence is essential for a woman. Good human support is also necessary. Both inspire and encourage you to keep your spine strong and make you ferociously confident.
Isn’t it time to break the toxic chain?
Won’t you love to live a fulfilling life, even if you have a few months on your hands? What purpose does it serve to throw tantrums, and attract curses and sighs?
If you are dying, why can’t you die with respect? You cannot attract love and reverence unless you give them out.
Karma or divine justice- it will certainly happen. There lies my hope. A silver lining on the dark clouds enveloping me!