Trigger warning: Emotional, verbal and mention of physical abuse
My maternal uncles and aunts have two faces. One face for the world and one face for me and my mother. Especially my maternal uncle who lives in the US.
I was a student in EE at a US university when I was very young. My maternal uncle was a professor in CSE at the same university.
I trusted him and completely believed him in whatever he did, however harsh he was with me, thinking that it was for my good and always believing that there was something wrong with me and that he would slander and abuse me.
I did not realize at that point that he has one face for his family and the other face in the professional world where he is a powerful man.
Though I had done my engineering on my own merit and had secured a seat at his university on my own merit, he made me believe that it was because of him that I earned a degree in the US.
They sent me on a wild-goose chase
He and his wife would not allow me to work in the US. They would evade topics and misguide me and took me for a wild goose chase in search of a job in America and India after my graduation.
My uncle would help his students acquire all the skills necessary to find a job, while he would accuse me of using his name to try to find a job.
Is there a rule that an Electrical Engineer, especially a woman, must not work as a software engineer?
I mean, when you have worked hard to earn a degree, it doesn’t matter what job you do in technology, especially being a woman and with a STEM degree.
That was not my uncle’s intention. He intended to abuse me and humiliate and degrade me because he was jealous, and he was a sadist who derived pleasure from my failures. He would humiliate me, insult me in front of all the family members, and hit me on the head whenever he met me.
Men with an inflated sense of ego, don’t respect women
Such men don’t have any sense of manners and respect for women, because they consider themselves to be powerful enough to destroy the prospects of an educated woman! Such were the evil intentions of my maternal uncles and aunts.
My maternal uncle in India would advise my mother to kick me out and to show me my place and that I was a “Zero”. My maternal uncles and aunts would take every opportunity to degrade and humiliate me. The intention was to make me undesirable in society and later in the marriage market.
Because of all the physical, mental and emotional abuse that I underwent at the hands of my maternal uncle and his wife in America, I have trust issues with men and remain unmarried even in my 40s.
A monster who is applauded!
My maternal uncle in America is a two-faced snake. One face for his students where he is the epitome of success, who makes their careers and lives, and for me, he is a monster who abuses and humiliates and degrades.
He empowers his students and welcomes women engineers into his professional world where he guides them and makes their careers in America, while with me, he is abusive and runs a smear campaign against me in India.
He comes to India and acts innocent in front of people, telling them, ‘What injustice have I done to her? I took her to my home.’
Oh sure, he took me to his home and turned me into an Ayah, who didn’t get any wages, while he taught his students skills and empowered them and turned them into accomplished women.
My hard-earned degree is mocked in India!
Meanwhile, I am struggling with my finances in India in my middle-age earning a meagre salary which has been stagnant for the past 3 years despite having an advanced degree from the US.
At the workplace, I am told that I need to have the mettle and the right attitude.
However much I do, I am never good enough for a promotion or a hike. My accomplishment in America where I earned an advanced degree on my own merit was trivialized in India and turned into the butt of the joke.
Saying that, I was a case of Hanlon’s Razor. After presenting an SOP and working hard for 2.5 years to earn a degree, America gave me a student visa to study at their university.
My life has been destroyed professionally and personally by men who were jealous of my intelligence and capabilities.
So much abuse finally broke me
As I reflect on my life at this stage, I am saddened by all the abuse, humiliation and insults that I have been put through in the corporate world and America.
I quit my job and decided to stay home and never go back to work again after I was ruthlessly and mercilessly kicked out of my previous workplace.
Where I was looked at like I was some kind of witch and falsely accused by my female manager whose leadership and motherhood were glorified, while I was told to my face that I had been tolerated enough.
I found no support from women
Such is the state of educated women in India. When an educated woman can be put through such violence, guilt and shame, I wonder what the state of women who haven’t had the privilege of education would be.
I believe celebrating women’s day in India is a double standard, especially in a society which plays dirty politics with women inside and outside the house.
Isn’t the US management so civilized and sensitive enough not to understand that you don’t glorify another woman’s motherhood in front of an unmarried and childless woman?
Are the government and the management so insecure that they have to destroy another woman in order to make the lives of their women?
Image Source: ProArtWork, via Getty Images, free and edited on CanvaPro