Do you have that one relative who keeps giving away bundles of clothing and home decor to you for no reason? Fortunately, you’re not alone. During an online discussion, members discovered strategies to delicately handle the matter and prevent well-meaning relatives from creating a clutter of presents in their homes.
1. A Defensive Strategy
If confrontation isn’t your thing, fret not. Many members suggest paying it forward immediately by donating the item. There’s no need to feel guilty about getting rid of the stuff. If you don’t have the space, it’s better to give it away to someone in need.
2. Passive Posting
If these people follow you on social media, a member suggests using it as an outlet to make requests passively. Posting pictures of “gifted” items with a caption about your latest declutter can send the message.
“Being jazzed up about starting a decluttering journey, making posts and picture updates of spaces, etc., can really clue people into your needs without feeling directly attacked,” the member writes.
3. Compliment Conflict
A rather intriguing lesson one member has learned will surely wow you. They have found it the hard way to never compliment people on something in their house.
Why? Because every time people want to get rid of that item, they’ll try to give it to you since you loved it so much.
4. Thank You, Next
One person finds that a lot of the older people in their life give them items because of notions of it “still being good” and feeling like their only other option is to throw it away. Their approach is groundbreaking.
After getting such items, they thank the person and double-check if it’s okay to regift it in case it isn’t needed. Chances are, folks would be okay with it.
5. An Experiential Present
It’s all about striking the balance. Maybe you don’t want to stomp on the other person’s desire to give presents. If so, you can ask them to gift “experiences” instead. One person shares a list of activities they do with their nieces and nephews rather than opting for material items.
“It’s now become a ‘must do’ when they come that we all go crabbing from the local pier (cheap buckets and string) and then a couple of pounds spent in the penny arcade with an ice cream and bag of sweets thrown in for good measure.”
6. Gift Givers Galore
Another way to address the gift-giver’s urge is to suggest items from your wishlist. As one person recommends, tell them you just don’t have the space, and if they want to give gifts, they need to be consumables.
That way, their wishes are respected without overstepping your boundaries.
7. Clear Communication
You can be friendly yet transparent about your needs at the same time. One commenter shares, “I’m very clear with my parents and have told them that we are working to simplify our lives and do not need more stuff. We just continue to communicate our values and what we want to model for our kids.”
Fortunately, their parents have been getting better, and now, they ask for specific recommendations for gifts for their kids.
8. Patience Is Virtue
Even after communicating your needs, perfect results can’t be promised. Most members find that grandparents experience a strong desire to bond with their grandchildren via gift-giving.
If they’re respecting your wishes by sticking to the list while occasionally bringing in an extra item or two, let them have that margin.
9. The Other Side
As a grandparent herself, one member shares the sentiment behind material items. “I do like giving the grandkids some gifts because it’s a bonding thing,” she writes.
However, for a balanced approach, here’s her secret strategy: “I opened brokerage accounts for my grandkids, and I stuff some money in those on birthdays and holidays. I get them one gift for their birthdays, usually something their moms send me a link for. And some consumables for the whole family for Christmas.”
10. An Assertive Stance
If all else fails, it’s time to forego the niceness. “The problem with ‘the nice way’ is that you often aren’t truly heard, even if the person seems nice and well-meaning,” writes one member.
They further mention if your gentle efforts don’t work, try letting the other person know that they can continue to bring things, but you’re going to be donating them to others immediately.
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This thread inspired this post.
I’m John Schmoll, a former stockbroker, MBA-grad, published finance writer, and founder of Frugal Rules.
As a veteran of the financial services industry, I’ve worked as a mutual fund administrator, banker, and stockbroker and was Series 7 and 63-licensed, but I left all that behind in 2012 to help people learn how to manage their money.
My goal is to help you gain the knowledge you need to become financially independent with personally-tested financial tools and money-saving solutions.
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