As parents, we obviously love our children. We prepare them for life and aim to help them be successful. However, to our own detriment, in some cases, it’s easy to go too far.
A recent survey reveals that over half of parents help their adult children financially. The same study shows that nearly 20 percent sacrifice their retirement savings to do so. It can be challenging to know when to cut the cord on your adult children.
Here are ten signs it’s time to let them leave the nest.
You Don’t Have Enough For Retirement
There’s no way to finance retirement. You likely have no streams of income beyond retirement income and social security.
If you legitimately fear your cash will run out, it’s time to stop giving money away.
It’s Not Clear Where the Money is Going
It’s one thing if your adult child is truly in need. However, if you have no idea where the money is going, it may be time to stop the flow of funds.
While painful, you need to know where the money is going and what purpose it’s serving.
They’re Not Taking Action to Improve Their Situation
“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” is a saying that seems fitting here.
Is your child actively trying to improve their situation? How have they responded to your guidance? If the answers are no and not overly positive, it may be time to let them know the flow of money is going to stop.
Your Kids Are Taking Advantage
Is your child really in need, or are they seemingly taking advantage of you? If it’s the former, there are ways to help them.
However, if it’s the latter it’s time to talk and set some expectations.
There’s No Clear Path For Them to Repay You
Perhaps you’re of the mindset that the funds aren’t a loan, and they don’t need to repay you. If so, that’s fine. If not, it’s best to have a plan of action.
This can be a painful conversation, but you need to have it especially if you need the funds to live. Clearly communicate what you expect and what you need them to do. If they rebuff, or show no progress, circumstances may warrant cutting them off.
They’re Not Grateful
Your children don’t need to be ingratiating, but they do need to show thankfulness.
If that isn’t happening, it’s time to have a talk.
Your Emergency Fund Isn’t Fully Funded
Your needs are just as important as those of your adult children. If you don’t have a fully-funded emergency fund you need to prioritize it.
As a retiree, it’s advisable to have at least 12 months’ worth of living expenses saved. If you don’t have that, giving to your children isn’t a wise move.
They Have a Steady Job and Just Need to Budget
Budgeting isn’t fun for most people. However, if your child is gainfully employed and not living on a budget, it’s time for them to begin.
Perhaps you can help them create a budget. They can even use a free budgeting app to help them begin.
You’re Unable to Do Things You Want to Do
Your retirement years are ones to enjoy. It may sound selfish, but if you’re regularly unable to do what you want because you’re supporting your children, it may be time to cut them off.
Explain the why behind it and help them get on their feet, but it should stop there.
Situation After Situation is Avoidable
A legitimate emergency is one thing. Avoidable situations are something else. If your child seems to be unable to avoid the avoidable, it’s time to have a serious conversation.
The fishing quote is helpful to use here. Clearly communicate you still love them, but it’s time to stop funding mistakes they can easily avoid.
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I’m John Schmoll, a former stockbroker, MBA-grad, published finance writer, and founder of Frugal Rules.
As a veteran of the financial services industry, I’ve worked as a mutual fund administrator, banker, and stockbroker and was Series 7 and 63-licensed, but I left all that behind in 2012 to help people learn how to manage their money.
My goal is to help you gain the knowledge you need to become financially independent with personally-tested financial tools and money-saving solutions.
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