I realize the title to this review is going to cause some outrage. I like to believe even on bad movies people are usually still trying their best. Therefore, I did not give such a title lightly. In fact I waited several days to write the review after the embargo and release to make sure how I felt about Madame Web and that I wasn’t just feeding on internet hate and hyperbole. It’s not that it’s just a movie I dislike. That happens all the time. It’s that it is so sloppily constructed that it’s hard to justify its existence on any level.
I usually try and start my reviews with some positives but with Madame Web I have very few. There are a few actors like Isabela Merced and Adam Scott who are trying their darndest with the material and a few moments of nice cinematography as well as some winks to 2003 where the movie is set.
That’s about it. The script is the biggest problem with dialogue that had me howling (to myself) in my seat The story also fails to develop compelling characters who’s actions feel believable. Every flash forward is so poorly edited and constructed that it feels confusing rather than enlightening and there are often big gaps in logic or story that leave you wondering ‘how did they get here?’ or ‘how did she know that?,’ ‘has she never been in water before and if not why?’ You get the idea. The actors, who have been good in other roles, can’t save this script with Dakota Johnson making her role in Fifty Shades of Grey look like an Oscar bait film and Tahar Rahim entering the history books as one of the most poorly executed villains ever.
What’s more shocking is how poorly made Madame Web is. We expect clunky dialogue these days from superhero movies but everything from the editing to the sound design to the action is sloppy! And let’s mention the product placement that had me wondering if I’d wandered into a parody film by mistake.
There’s scenes in this film where a character opens a can of Pepsi right in front of the camera acting like a Price is Right model showcasing it for all to see. Then later on the climatic fight scene is literally done beneath a giant Pepsi Cola sign. I wish I was making this up.
I’ve mentioned how I hate modern action movies where characters stand around staring at screens. Well, in Madame Web there is an entire character who seems to not leave the villains apartment but just stares at screen for her entire existence. The sad part about this henchman is she is played by Zosia Mamet who is so wonderful in the lead of Molli & Max In the Future– a far better film out in theaters now. When I think of the style and energy that film brought to the table on a nothing budget it’s infuriating to watch a big mess like Madame Web. Did I mention how bad the editing is in this film? I mean come on!
The trailer for this film promises aspects that aren’t really delivered like instead of a team-up movie with other spider-women it’s a teens being ordered around by a bored female mentor movie (the teens are mostly standing around waiting for things to happen to them). The villain instead of being cold and calculating is in revenge-mode for crimes that haven’t happened despite himself being a cold-blooded murderer! It makes no sense. It honestly feels like they just made it up every day they went to shoot and all the winks to Spider-man only amplify that feeling.
It’s especially baffling when Sony has done such a brilliant job with their animated Spider-verse movies. They might have just as well hired Tommy Wiseau and made this one of his triumphs. At least that would have some personality. This is without a doubt the worst comic book movie since Catwoman and it may be even worse than that. As I recall that at least didn’t have ADR and visual effects problems… It’s not even fun bad. It’s just boring, lame and incompetent. Badly done Sony!! Badly done!
1 out of 10
Frown Worthy
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