Trigger Warning: This deals with child sexual abuse and may be triggering for survivors.
A few days back, a gut-wrenching video of the Tibetan spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, went viral. In that, a small boy is shown to be hugging and kissing the leader on his cheek.
(I am not going to link to the very triggering video here – those who want to can search for it.)
The Dalai Lama, in response, asks the child to kiss him on his lips, in spite of his reluctant body language. The little boy almost hesitates, but the leader holds his chin and raises his head closer to his own pouted lips. As if all of this doesn’t seem objectionable enough, the Dalai Lama, while continuing to stare at the boy, swallows his own spit and then says, “Suck my tongue,” in a mocking, yet authoritative tone. Saying that, he takes his tongue out. The boy initially throws his head back, but eventually ends up letting the spiritual leader touch his face with his tongue.
It is hard to say what’s more disturbing in this—the Dalai Lama being able to act this way publicly or the onlookers cheering and giggling over his actions.
His senseless apology
After receiving backlash for his behaviour, the leader’s team issued an apology on his behalf which ended with, “…His Holiness often teases people he meets in an innocent and playful way, even in public and before cameras. He regrets the incident.”
How easy is it for his concerning conduct to be reduced to harmless, “innocent and playful” teasing when it is quite evident that what he did was way out of line?
Both his gaze and him touching the boy repeatedly felt predatory
If the video of the Dalai Lama is closely analysed, it will be clear to the viewer that his body language seems exploitative, to say the least. The Dalai Lama constantly and unnecessarily touches the boy’s face and body in a manner that can not be brushed off under the guise of light-heartedness. The boy in the video definitely got harassed.
Tibetans don’t suck each others’ tongues when meeting for the first time
To support or rather, defend the Lama, many pointed out how sticking one’s tongue out is a form of Tibetan greeting, as explained in a post on UC Berkeley’s website. It must, however, be noted that sticking your tongue out is different from asking someone to “suck” it.
Additionally, as the saying “When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” goes, the Dalai Lama has been living in Dharamshala, Himachal Pradesh for quite some time now, and that is where the event in question had taken place. Keeping that in mind, since the Himachalis don’t suck each other’s tongues when meeting for the first time, what he did was clearly unacceptable.
If he is an 87 year-old man with possible problems of ageing, he shouldn’t be allowed to address the masses
Alongside the excuses about the Dalai Lama acting in accordance with Tibetan culture, another thing being said by those who wish to overlook everything the leader did is that he’s an 87 year-old man who might be out of touch with reality.
First generation practicing American Buddhist Waylon Lewis and a follower of the Dalai Lama addressed this incident in a piece in the Elephant Journal. He wrote, “Perhaps, as some have said, this marks the beginnings of dementia, when crossing lines can become regular where once it was unimaginable.”
He also wrote about his dilemma in the same article, “I can not yet cancel him, and I can not yet defend him.”
If the Dalai Lama’s age is taking away his ability to remain civil, then it is genuinely harmful for him to be addressing large audiences because he is capable of assaulting the ones coming to pay him a visit. This reasoning, thus, doesn’t hold water at all.
Old and powerful men can easily violate the physical boundaries of minors by intimidating them publicly
We must realise that the Dalai Lama is not only a widely respected 87 year-old man, but also someone who is feared. As mentioned in an article published by The New Indian Express, “…victims of child sexual abuse argue that being sexualised by a powerful adult is a serious matter.” Thus, it is going to be intimidating for any minor to be placed in a position where they are publicly forced to let someone as powerful as the leader violate them physically.
By celebrating acts like these and laughing them off, the spectators only enable individuals who need to be held accountable.
Even though the Dalai Lama “regrets the incident” and has apologised for the same, it is important for us to recognise how seriously unsettling his manners were. No form of justification can or should compel us to excuse such acts solely because they were committed by someone we are expected to worship.